GIVING UP

[A PASSING MOMENT]

“Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering.”

--Our life contains so many obstacles & turns. When things get rough & hard, giving up is an easy answer. Things just haven`t been going my way lately & although the surface of me may look fine, i am really a train wreck. School, Work & Life have become extremely difficult for me & giving up seems like an easy way out. It`s funny because when things get rough, the first thing i want to do is fight it out, but when it gets towards the middle of the battle & everything seems extremely difficult & i feel weak, it`s when i feel like giving up. In reality, I really like physical challenges because they are something I know I can push myself to be the best in, but when it comes to spiritual or emotional, then i just suck at it. There were & still are many times in my life where giving up seems like the best way to go. If I`m not good at something, why should I humiliate myself & try again just to end up with the same results?

" because maybe you do it in hopes that there will be a different outcome.."

Stress seems to be the main problem right now & perhaps the reason why I feel so weak & drained. As if I don`t have enough to worry & stress over about in school & work, now I also have to add the stress that my parents put on me in my pile. I don`t understand why my parents don`t understand me, well, at least my Mom understands me more than my Dad, but I really wish my Dad would just drop it & just listen to me instead of having me listen to him. If I don`t listen to him, it doesn`t mean that he`s not in control or that i`m going to be right & he`s going to be wrong, I just wish for one minute that he could be open-minded to how I feel & think about the situation.. BUT, one put down after another after another is just about how much I can take right now & i guess this is where giving up just feels appropriate. Honestly, I don`t want to give up on anything, especially myself, but maybe I should just let go instead. I wish I could let go of the worries & the stress. I wish that I could let go of all my feelings, instead of bottling them up from time to time. I wish that my parents would just understand me better, instead of second guessing because that`s basically what they are doing right now. I hate pretending to be happy when I`m not & I hate pretending to paste on smile when I really don`t want to, but I guess I do it because I don`t want the people around me feeling the way I feel...

God, if this is part of your plan, then I`m willing to follow it, but it`s really tearing me apart...






*sigh*